


Stairway to the Stars

by Iship_lover



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Background Destiel, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Pining, Road Trips, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-21
Updated: 2015-03-04
Packaged: 2018-03-08 11:45:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3207983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iship_lover/pseuds/Iship_lover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Lucifer. A lifelong friendship, a trip across the country. Falling in love with one another is easier than any of them can dream of, like it just happened. One day they are not lovers and the next day they are, and their worlds are just brighter for it.</p><p>The world is a cruel, callous place, and this is a love wrought by circumstance, a tale that stretches across ten years of love and loss, because we all know that the brightest stars are the ones that burns out fastest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

2005

 

“Let’s go on a road trip.” Lucifer leans against the wall of their apartment, looking out at the sunset. The dust settles against the windowsill, and he pats it away with his hand.

“What are you going on about?” Sam carries their laundry out on the frustratingly small laundry basket. Lucifer usually does the laundry, and Sam has to force the other man to at least let him help out.

“A road trip.” Lucifer strides away from the window. “We should go on a road trip.”

“Getting _bored_ of the big city life?” Sam asks jokingly, and Lucifer nods.

“I just want to go on a road trip. If you want to.”

“Sure, Luce.” Sam sets the basket down, throwing their clothes into the washing machine.

 

 

Something compelled Sam to agree. He quits his job, to Dean’s dismay. Driving off into the sunset never felt so good.

“Do you really want this?” Lucifer asks when they have passed the city limits onto the highway. Sam shrugs.

“I guess I just want to get away from everything. When I’m still young.”

“I thought you grew up having an extended road trip.” Lucifer taps his feet. Him and Sam, they have been friends for years, and he knows that Sam was brought up moving from place to place, staying a few weeks at a time. He himself grew up in a big household in a respectable mansion, the only time he moved was when he left his home for Stanford. Which is where he met Sam.

“It’s _different_ if I’m doing it with a friend.” Sam grins. Lucifer always worry so much about him- about his well being, or just worrying about him in general. They hit it off immediately in Stanford, sharing basically the same classes and the same dorm room, which became the same apartment when they both graduated. And it is different if he goes on this trip with Lucifer.

“Really?”

“Really.”

The Charger is a damn good car, and Sam insists on paying for at least have the price, no matter how much Lucifer insists that he pays for it. Lucifer’s family is loaded, but it’s going to be _their_ trip, and _their_ car.

He holds the camera in his hands. He should take some photos. Send them to Dean, or something. Dean would be jealous of a car like this. Or not, since he does have the Impala.

“Hey, can I take a photo?” Sam fiddles with the camera- canon, he thinks. The sky is a mix of purple and gray and red, they are veering off the highway into a side road with practically no other cars. The buildings on the side of the road gives into bushes and wide open fields and it’s like he is bring set free.

“Sure” Lucifer’s laugh is clear and loud, and it’s infectious. Lucifer did not laugh or talk much in Stanford, but when he does everyone around him is _drawn in_ , unable to leave. And Sam is the same. Sam snaps a photo of Lucifer, the golden light of the setting sun hitting his blue eyes and messy, uneven blond hair, reflecting off the glass window and forming a light, glowing halo behind his head. Damn him, being so photogenic.

He snaps another photo, Lucifer’s laugh in his ears. He laughs a lot easier when he is around Sam.

“Roll the windows down, Sam” Lucifer grins, pressing the button. The wind is cool and refreshing, clean evening air running through his hair. The moon has replaced the sun, a bright curve on the inky sky, the milky way stretching out above them. They were the only ones on the road.

“Aah, _freedom_!” Lucifer shouts out the window, and Sam laughs, looking at his friend’s profile.

And they are free, like this. No jobs, no school, just a camera, the car and the road. Lucifer made sure to not ask his family for anything, and so did Sam. They’re doing this by themselves, for themselves. Freedom it is.

“Freedom!” Sam yells back, throwing his hands up so one hits the roof and one reaches out of the window. A leaf fall in his hand, and he drops it into the glove box. Their laughs mingle. They are still young and free. Lucifer ruffles Sam’s hair and Sam shoves at Lucifer’s shoulder. They should have done this _sooner_.

Sam gets Lucifer to stop, taking another photo of Lucifer leaning against the Charger, and Lucifer does the same for Sam. The moon is high in the sky, wispy clouds hanging around the edge of the horizon and stars scattered across their vision.

“It’s beautiful out here.” Sam whispers, unable to take his eyes off the view. Lucifer nods besides him.

“Yeah. It is.” His voice is low and quiet, but it still holds the same silent, mesmerizing quality.

The night is still young.


	2. Young and dumb and free

Morning comes with cold, clear air, filling his lungs. Sam is always more of a morning person than Lucifer. When they were at school together Sam is the type who is always up early, and, as a result, he is almost always the one to make breakfast. Lucifer takes longer to wake, and there is always pillows being thrown if he has to get up before nine in the morning. Which is practically _every_ day for them.

“For a guy named after the Morning Star, he sure _hates_ mornings.” Sam mutters, stretching out his stiff limbs. They slept in the car last night. “We really need to get a tent, or something.” Truth be told, they didn’t think much before leaving, packing nothing but some money and some clothing and maybe a sandwich, or something. Now that the novelty has worn off, Sam realized that they would need money, and food, and places to sleep-

“I can hear you _worrying_ from here.” Lucifer groans into the steering wheel, blinking his eyes blearily at Sam, looking as irritated as always when he wakes up early in the morning. Sam grins. At least somethings _don’t_ change. Lucifer getting pissed off about mornings- that is a constant in Sam’s life.

“You can?”

“Mmf.” Lucifer runs his hand through his already messy hair. “We’ll sort it out, Sammy, we _always_ sort it out.”

“Course.” Sam nods. It’s easy to believe Lucifer. He has that reassuring quality about him. Besides, they still have each other right now, and Sam is confident that they can find some camping equipment store somewhere. “You have any idea where we are?”

“Well, no.” Lucifer shrugs, “But we’ll find a way. Besides, it’s a road trip. Won’t be fun if you know where exactly we’re going.”

“Well, yes, but-” Sam cuts himself off. “Point taken.” “Right.” Lucifer throws him one of the toothbrushes and Sam catches it with one hand. They couldn’t find a camping supply store in the next town they stop in, but there is a Walmart and they buy some tent there, the chirpy sales assistant waving them away. It’s a relatively empty shop early in the morning, and Lucifer remains bleary-eyed and grumbles into the coffee that Sam gets him.

“I don’t get why you like coffee so much.” Sam begins to load the tent into the trunk of the Charger. One of those four season tents, the notebook that came along with it says Built to withstand the rigors of winter, or something like that.

Lucifer prefers coffee and Sam likes tea and it would be war every morning for the one kettle they share between them, except that Lucifer don’t exactly do much in the mornings. He just sits there.

“It’s the drink of _Gods,_ Sam.” Lucifer says from behind him, and Sam snorts. The thing is Lucifer might not even be lying when he said that.

“Tea is _better_.” Sam stuffs the tent in, patting it and bringing the trunk down.

“Blasphemy!” Lucifer mock gasps from behind him and laughs, and Sam grins, leading him back to the Charger.

“C’mon, Luce. Drink your coffee and drive.”

The Californian summer is still in it’s heights, the two of them away from the beach and the big cities like San Francisco, veering off the wide open state highways into smaller, crisscrossing roads. And without a map, they are hopelessly lost. Now Sam, Sam is the type that can find his way quite easily as long as he has a map, but Lucifer is the kind of person that will go in the opposite direction no matter how many pointers he is given. And he is insisting on driving, which means that they are _really_ going where the wind will take them.

Sam likes that, the freedom of not having anywhere to go but where they want to. They roll down the windows, letting the summer breeze in as the sunrise fades into mid-morning, the cloudless sky an enchanting, all encompassing blue.

“Are you sure you don’t want to experience the Californian beaches?” Sam asks.

“Seen enough of them to last me a life time,” Lucifer grins. He grew up here in sunny Cali, in a nice house with a nice area code, going to a nice school wearing a nice uniform and spent his winters up in a Mediterranean lake house. He did not think much of it until he realized how _different_ his upbringing was from Sam’s, and there was a moment of panic that was quelled by their easy friendship.

There is something there between them, like a bond and he cannot help but reach out to Sam, afraid that his friend will leave, because Michael told him that friends will _always_ leave. Since the beginning he was told that only family is worth it, that only family is worth fighting for and the night before he left with Sam they had the most violent argument Lucifer ever experienced. He regretted none of it.

Sam heard bits and pieces about the fight Lucifer had with his family before they left, and no matter how many times his friend reassures him there is still a tiny bit of guilt there, like he was the one who pulled him away.

“It doesn’t really matter,” Lucifer told them. “They’re a bit too stuck up for my tastes.” They drive on, stopping at another sunny little town with a Starbucks at every street corner.

“We should get away from these towns.” Lucifer complains. “Actually go _camping_.”

“What, _become one_ with nature?” Sam snarks, snaking an arm around Lucifer’s shoulders. Even in summer his skin is cooler than average, comfortable against the overbearing heat.

“Humpf.”

“We should head out of state.” Lucifer starts. “How does Nevada sound?” “You want to go to Las Vegas?”

“Well, no- yes, maybe-” Lucifer thinks. “I’ve never been to Las Vegas.”

“I thought you wanted to go camping.”

Lucifer shrugs at that. “I wanted to go on a road trip. Not all of it is camping, you know.”

Sam nods at that.

They spend the night at the little town, ordering coffee and drinking tea at this little sushi place down the road with bamboo curtains. Sam sneaks wasabi on Lucifer’s sushi roll and proceeds to snicker into his hand as his friend gulps down water, attempting to get the spicy taste off his tongue. Sam leans on his hands, grinning at the glare that Lucifer is sending his way.

Sam thinks he’ll never get bored of doing this with Lucifer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They are so happy here :D


	3. Stop and Stare

It takes a few days for them to actually get to use the tent, dragging it out to some small, uncharted forest. Probably not even a forest. Maybe a bush. A big bush. They went to Nevada, got lost, and by the time they found their way again they were in California once more.

The road died out somewhere further up, and they parked(and locked up) the Charger there, carrying the tent out until they can find a clearing. Both Sam and Lucifer have small cuts from the branches on their faces.

“I swear I am going to kill you if this is someone’s property and we get _shot_ by a redneck.” Sam grumbles, heaving one side of the tent on his shoulder.

“This is _California_ , Sam, there are no rednecks in California.” Lucifer replies from the front, humming lightly as he strides across the bushes like he’s been doing it his whole life.

Sam glares at his graceful form. Lucifer has this fluidity about him, and whenever he does something he always makes it look so easy, like he is walking on air.

“We could still be on someone’s property.”

“Only for the night, though.”

They manage to pitch the tent after three tries. Sam got hit in the eye by the pole and Lucifer got tangled up in the blankets(okay, not so graceful anymore), but eventually the tent went up in the clearing. Sam went and untangled Lucifer from the blankets.

It’s a small clearing, and the tent takes up most of the space, so Sam and Lucifer sits next to each other on what little space there is left, their knees nudging each other and their shoulders touching.

“Whoa.” Sam raises his head. In between the branches of the trees are the stars, glittering across the night sky like the first night they spent on the road.

“Sure is nice, isn’t it?” Lucifer asks, his hand thumbing through the grass.

“Yeah.” Sam continues to stare. The moon is fuller than last time, most of it’s light shining down the clearing. Sam looks across his shoulder at Lucifer. His eyes are even bluer in the light, the same ethereal blue that meet his eyes across the street that night in Stanford. He looks like some sort of _Angel_ , Sam thinks, and turns away blushing. His stomach twists nervously. No way thinking about a friend like that is normal, but he couldn’t help it. Lucifer is something _out of this world_ , Sam thinks. And sooner or later he will leave, so Sam will do everything to convince him to stay.

“We should go to Lake Tahoe sometime. It’s near, right?” Sam asks.

“We could rent a lake house for a day or two.” Lucifer adds.

“Or we can camp out, you know.” Sam grins. “Right by the lake.”

“And wake up when the tent is flooded?” Lucifer beams at Sam, and Sam forgets to speak for a moment there.

“We can also camp out in the forest.” Sam rubs the back of his neck.

“Yeah. We can do that.” Lucifer wants to give Sam everything. Ever since they first meet and first talked and when they moved in together and when they set off on this trip. He wants to be Sam’s friend. He wants to do everything with Sam and every day he wakes up scared that his only friend will slip through his fingertips. Because Sam is easygoing and nice and funny and everything Lucifer isn’t. So Lucifer will do _everything_ to convince him to stay. Lucifer looks over at Sam, soft brown hair touching his shoulders, a slight pale sheen on their tips from the moonlight. And he can barely _breathe_.

“Lucifer?” “Yes?” “What made you decide that a road trip is what’s best for you right now?” Sam asks, trying to not look at Lucifer, only to end up glancing at him out of the side of his eyes, and the way the pale, cool light seems to frame his face and illuminate his hair.

Lucifer shrugs, another light, fluid motion, and Sam stares openly now, unable to look away. He holds his breath a little, breathing shallowly so that he does not disturb the still, almost magical air around Lucifer.

“I guess I just want to do something different.” He says. “I want to give you everything, but I’ve got nothing cept for myself.” Lucifer does have practically nothing now, if the last argument he had with Michael and his father was any indication. God, the wording is strange and definitely not how to talk to a friend, but he has no other way to express it. That is how he _feels_ , and there has never been a day where Lucifer is not glad that he met Sam.

“I have everything s’ long as I’ve got _you_.” Sam blurts out. And it is the truth. His truth. He loves his family, but Lucifer is his best friend, and they seem to bring out the best in each other. He has all he wants right this moment, in the middle of the night in the middle of no where, sitting right next to him.

They remain in comfortable silence after that, Sam content to just watch Lucifer, until Lucifer falls asleep with his head leaning on Sam’s shoulder. Sam’s breath hitches and blood rushes to his face and his heart pounds so loud that he is afraid of moving and waking him. Lucifer’s breathing is light and shallow, and his skin is light and cool, even through the fabric of Sam’s shirt.

Sam curls his fist up in the grass.

He manages to heave Lucifer up, the man almost as tall as Sam is, and carry him to the tent without waking him. Lucifer’s body is lighter than it seems, or maybe Sam is stronger than he thought. Either way, Sam throws a blanket over Lucifer, and wraps himself up.

There is the ever present shuffle outside of the wind and leaves brushing against each other, but otherwise it was quiet and the tent casts a slight blue sheen on Lucifer’s face, so Sam just _watches_. Lucifer’s chest moves lightly, his breathing soft and shallow and Sam holds his breath. This is everything Sam wants, he realizes as he lets his gaze wander.

 

Oh God, why didn’t he realize earlier? Sam thought, and suddenly the sleepy haze he was in disappears. Sam sits up, moving as far away from Lucifer as possible. Oh God, his eyes are wide. Sam is in _love_ with Lucifer. How could he have not known?

But Lucifer is just his friend- Sam is in love with his _best friend_ \- God that, is just _pathetic_. They way Sam’s face heats up when Lucifer is near and the way his heart beats faster when Lucifer talks to him. Sam turns to look at Lucifer again. He mutters something and turns around, back facing Sam. No way someone like him would want someone like Sam. Lucifer is this rich kid from California and Sam is a poor traveling farm boy from Kansas.

It’s a damn _miracle_ that they are friends. Lucifer will want to stay away from Sam if he knew- it’s not that they are both guys- it’s just that Sam doesn’t deserve someone like Lucifer- he always thought that he was too good to be true.

“Don’t be greedy.” Sam whispers to himself. “You’re lucky enough. Don’t push it.” As long as he has Lucifer, it’ll be _enough_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I boring you with the fluff? Should I move on to the angst soon?


	4. Heat

“Here, take a look at this.” Sam shoves a leaflet at Lucifer. Their fingers brush, Sam’s skin too warm and Lucifer’s skin clean and cool. “We can go to the lake after New Years- should be cheaper then.” They sat side by side, looking out at a waterfall. California State Park. Okay, not exactly a true wild place, and they did have to make a reservation, but that does not take away from the beauty.

The grass is a lush green, and the gentle breeze takes away from the summer heat. July is coming to an end. The waterfall spills over water-carved boulders and collect in a deep pond. Lucifer sits on one of the rocks, shoes off and feet resting on the surface of the pond while Sam leans against a tree, legs up and resting on Lucifer’s knees. Large, bubbly lettering pops out from the front page.

‘Welcome to Lake Tahoe!’ It declares boldly. A photo of the lake in bright blues and greens and white sand greets them on the front page.

“We should!” Lucifer flicks through the pages, pointing to one of the advertisements. “Hey look, we can rent a lake house for just, uh,” He frowns, pushing his glasses up a bit. Sam stares. He tries to not stare as much as he could, but Lucifer just draws his gaze like that. “A hundred dollars. Do we have a hundred dollars?”

“I think so, yeah.” Sam nods. Their wrists brush, and Sam has to fight to not jump away like he is electrocuted. His heart beats against his ribcage at an impossible velocity. He ignores it. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Lucifer asks, folding his glasses away.

Sam seems strange lately, ever since they first camped out. And it scares him. What if Sam wants to _leave_? He wants to ask, and yet he does not want to push Sam away.

Lucifer presses his hand to Sam’s forehead, slightly wet and cold from the water. Maybe he is just unwell. They should see a doctor, in that case. He still has a few in his contact list. He vaguely remembers Raphael heading out to Medical school.

Sam chokes up. “Uh-” He manages to squeeze out of his throat. “ _Uh_ -” Every hand brush, every time they sat closely together and leaned on each other has always elicited such responses from Sam, like butterflies in his stomach but ever since he realized that he is in love- actually _hopelessly_ in love with Lucifer it got worse. Lucifer is the kind of person that Sam wants to spend the rest of his _life_ with, no matter _how_ they spend it.

“Come on, Sam-” All Sam could see was concern and guilt wells up in him. He made his friend feel like that, worry for him when there is nothing to worry about. Sam is not someone that Lucifer would ever want to get with, he thinks. He looks into Lucifer’s eyes and he has to blink and look away from their intensity. Lucifer was always intense, burning.

He is a _supernova_ , a cluster of stars, always bright and cold in their beauty, and Sam cannot help but be attracted him, like moth to flame.

Lucifer did not push when Sam did not answer. He knows, that he is the type of person to always push, because he loves too much, too hard, and ends up pushing everyone he has ever loved away. He does not want to do that to Sam. Sam is like the _sun_ to him, too bright to look at, and always out of reach. Lucifer has been in love with his friend ever since they first meet. And if he did anything else other than stop and stare, Sam will leave. So Lucifer stores away his love for Sam into a small corner of his heart, and seals it away. Lucifer knows that one day, with a sudden bout of courage, or the boost of alcohol, he will tell Sam that all he wants to do is to be with him, and Sam will say no and leave and that will be that. So he wants to cherish this trip, because when it’s over there is no going back.

Sam clicks the camera on, taking another photo of Lucifer. He stands in the pool, the clear water at his waist, the shirt wet and clinging to his skin. Lucifer grins at him, and he snaps a photo. They drive to Oregon before visiting Nevada, stopping at a small, almost uncharted town.

The motel smells like three years of collected dust, and Lucifer wrinkles his nose before Sam takes another photo and ushers him in to wave the dust off. The beds are small but the mattresses are surprisingly soft and comfortable. Just too small for a six foot man to sleep comfortably. They glance at each other awkwardly.

“We can, put the beds together, or something.” Sam mutters, the tips of his ears already burning at the thought of sleeping in close proximity with Lucifer.

“Might still be too small.” Lucifer rubs the back of his neck. If they sleep so close together, Sam is bound to notice that his feelings for him are more than platonic.

“We could ask them for another mattress.” Sam suggests, pushing down the disappointment. 

They don’t have any other mattresses, and there are no other motels in this town, so Sam and Lucifer heaves the two beds together. The summer heat soak through the blinds, bleeds through the door and the windows. They sink into the bed together, the warm sheets pooling by their legs. The bed is soft and warm, and the afternoon sun remains high in the sky, a deep, brilliant blue that Sam could appreciate more when it’s not so hot anymore. His legs are clad in ill fitting jeans, heavy and uncomfortable, and Lucifer has one leg over his, the coolness felt through the fabric.

Lucifer has these shorts on, and Sam tries to not look. Light blue ones with dark blue edges and his skin is pale where Sam's is tanned, and his head rests drowsily on Sam's shoulder. Sam shifts uncomfortably, rolling his sleeves up.

Lucifer's eyes are closed, chest rising softly with each small breath he takes, and Sam is once again too scared to move and wake him up and end this moment. He can just watch and watch without fear of being noticed. His jeans are too tight and Sam grits his teeth as he feels his crotch stir against his thigh.

Not now- Sam thought, but his arm snakes down, undoing the button and he palms himself through the cotton of his underwear, Lucifer still asleep against his shoulder, Sam's other arm growing slightly numb. He grows hard under his hand despite this. Lucifer's lips always parts slightly when he sleeps, pink and slightly wet and his hair glows under the golden afternoon sun. Sinful images forms themselves in Sam's mind, and he has to bite his bottom lip to stop the moan from escaping. It's almost painful, how much he has to try and not wake Lucifer up, but God, it feels so good as Sam strokes himself. He pulls his boxers down, letting his cock spring free, red at the tip and completely erect against his terse stomach.

Sam can almost see it, see Lucifer's lips wrapped around the tip of his cock. He thumbs over the slit and almost jumps, forcing himself down. Lucifer seems like a light sleeper but when he does fall asleep he is out like a light and at this moment Sam is all too grateful for it.

Would Lucifer close his eyes as he bobs up and down Sam's shaft, or will his blue eyes lock in contact with Sam's as Sam fucks into his mouth? Sam closes his eyes, hand rubbing hard and fast, slicked by drops of precum. His dick throbs against his fingers, wrapped tightly around his dick. Sam imagines threading his fingers through Lucifer's hair, guiding his mouth along his cock and he comes in his hand, his body jerking upwards as Lucifer falls onto the bed with a soft thud.

Sam's heart is beating wildly, hand sticky with cum and his pants and underwear stained, the room smelling of sex. Lucifer stirs, but does not wake.

By the time the guilt sets in, Sam has already washed away the evidence with boiling hot water, as if he is attempting to burn away the shame. But whenever Lucifer turns to him that day, he cannot look him in the eye without imagining them full of disgust and judgement. God, he is pathetic, Sam thought, as he makes up another excuse to turn away from his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been away at a friend's place, and now school is starting(last year of high school yes) so I will not be able to write so much, but I always always finish my fics :)
> 
> I swear I have to look at a US map every five seconds for this fic I don't even live there this is hard.  
> I almost wrote December where it says July until I realized that December is winter in the northern hemisphere. Oh well :D


	5. Falling Forever

They drove down to coast of Oregon. Windows down and wind blowing through their hair. Sam leans back in his seat, letting the ocean winds howl by as he steps on the accelerator. Lucifer grins at him as the white sand and rolling green hills and crashing waves sped by. The water is a clear, deep _blue_ , wave after wave of blue waves and white foam throwing themselves into the wind.

“You know there are whales here between December and May?” Lucifer calls, some of his words lost in the wind.

“Really?” Sam shouts back.

“Really!”

'The wheel in the sky keeps on turning..' The radio sings. 'I don’t know where I’ll be tomorrow...' The guitar rifts drift out and Sam was able to be momentarily distracted by his guilt. Why is he still with Lucifer, even after what he has done? Lucifer should be looking at him with disgust- not-

 _Longing_. Lucifer thinks. That is what he feels for Sam. A silent, aching type of longing, that he is too afraid to act on. Lucifer has never been afraid before. Or rather, he has never had the cause to be afraid. Now he has one. If Sam leaves, then he would leave with Lucifer’s heart with him.

 

Portland is a pretty town, with a bustling night life. They check into a comfortable hotel and stay the night, and another. Sam finds himself relaxing slowly, no longer fearing that Lucifer would find out. There are still times, when he cannot sleep, when he tires of staring at the ceiling, that Sam would turn and stare and Lucifer, and dream of him. Little does he know that Lucifer does the same.

When Lucifer gets tipsy he gets _handsy_. So when they are both in one of Portland’s beautiful gardens. Crossing the quaint wooden bridge, looking out at the orange leaves. It’s August now, and Autumn is settling into it’s earlier days, leaving the echoes of summer behind.

There is only the sound of rustling leaves, and the waterfall, and the distant footsteps of other tourists. Lucifer is slightly drunk, and he could tell that Sam wasn’t. Lucifer was always slightly jealous of how well Sam held his liquor. It’s because Sam grew up with Dean, the other man tells him. Who gave him sips of drink when their father looks away. Michael would never let Lucifer get away with something like that. Not until he turned twenty one. Even then when Lucifer drinks Michael would look at him in distaste until Lucifer stops.

Lucifer leans against the wooden fencing, his hand laced in Sam’s. Sam looks at Lucifer, wanting to touch but too afraid to, when Lucifer’s hand finds his, swinging his hand from side to side. Lucifer is drunk, Sam reminds his pounding heart, attempting to reason over the blood rushing to his head, making him all dizzy and light headed. He is a _grown man_ , Sam reminds himself. No need to get like this when they are just _holding hands_.

By the time Lucifer lets go, Sam is red-faced as he drags them both back to the motel before they get kicked out, or something. He lies on the bed, one hand slightly cooler than the other from being held by Lucifer. He closes his eyes and hears the shower running. The day is warm for an Autumn day, and the sheets are soft, and Sam was transported back to that summer day, the ghost of Lucifer’s breath by his neck, and other summer days, when they were in Stanford, Lucifer ever present by Sam’s side.

Lucifer is a little tipsy, but that does not mean he is not _aware_. The water is more than warm, cascading over his skin as he washes himself. Lucifer’s hand moves lower, trailing over his chest, stomach, leaning against the shower wall slowing, tilting his head up and closing his eyes. The water is rhythmic as it hits his chest. Lucifer wraps his fingers around his slowly hardening length, one hand pressed against the wall.

Sam grunts, kicking his jeans off. It’s slightly less warm in these pants, and thank God for that. He closes his eyes, imagining Lucifer staring at him with those blue eyes of his. It’s not like Sam has a shortage of dreams and fantasies. Lucifer is a frequent star in his dreams.

Lucifer muffles a moan, leaning hard against the wall, one hand stroking softly, the other hand clamped over his mouth. If Sam hears him- “ _Sam_ -” Lucifer groans softly. The rush of water covers his voice, enough to let him be a little louder than he usually is.

They fall into familiar rhythms after that- Sam’s fist in the sheets, stroking himself, Lucifer leaning against the wall, eyes shut as pleasure courses through his body, hand muffling the obscene sounds coming out of his mouth. Lucifer let’s his thumb crush over the tip, suppressing the shudder as he comes on his hand, breathing hard. When Lucifer washes off, scrubs himself clean again, he thought red faced about exactly what he thought about- being with Sam, lying together, body against body in the dark, heated whispers and hands exploring smooth, taught muscles.

Sam wipes himself off, the shame coming back. He is much better at ignoring it now. It’s not like Sam is doing anything with, or to Lucifer. He _wants_ to, sure, but he is definitely _not_ acting on his fantasies, of him and Lucifer, in the beautiful places they’ve been to, making love in the wild- God, love- Sam is far gone. Too far gone to _ever_ go back.

If Sam saw the bite mark on Lucifer’s hand, he did not comment on it.

 

Sam kisses Lucifer twice two days later, once against the wall of a Lake House they rented cheap, and another time against a tree, with the light of sunset lighting up the leaves, leaving a golden hue. They were the best kisses he has ever had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is wheel in the sky :)
> 
> (few more chapters of the happy and the sad will be here. Promises, promises)


	6. Lake House Love Story

There is this tension in the car that both of them knew, but did not acknowledge. Lucifer wore long sleeves that day, a black shirt draped loosely across his body, one hand covered. Sam did see the bite mark- it was strange, but he did not think much of it.

Lake Tahoe is a fine sight in Autumn, all bright red and golden leaves, clear blue skies with the last traces of summer heat lingering in the air. Whispers of white clouds and clean blue water. Snow capped mountains off to the far side of the horizon. The sun hits Lucifer’s eyes, and he turns to Sam, letting him snap another photo.

“My turn,” Lucifer grins, patting Sam’s wrist as he took the camera, leaving a lingering tension even as he leaves. Sam laughs at that, his hair carried away by the softest breeze, golden specks of sunlight remaining in his eyes, and Lucifer has to remember to breath before taking the photo. Sam stands tall, having always been a little taller than Lucifer, all sharp features softened by his easy going nature and that damned _smile_ of his. The slightly crumpled magazine featuring the very lake they are standing by held in Sam’s hands, always a little too large and a little too warm, resting at the back of his neck from time to time.

“I’m actually surprised we made it here,” Sam pats Lucifer’s back sometime later, after they check into the lodge, and the awkwardness of the owner explaining that all the rooms with two beds are taken, so they’ll have to make do with one extra large one. “With your map reading skills, I’d expect us to be in Mexico right now.”

“I’m not that bad, _am I_?” Lucifer shoves back at Sam, hand lingering slightly longer, and the tension is back again. Sam ignores it, opting to throw a snarky remark at Lucifer instead. They bantered back and forth until Sam starts to unpack, and Lucifer joins in in silence.

The silence between them has always been comfortable. Not this time. This time it hangs in the air, permeated with unanswered questions, like a permanent cloud over their heads, uncomfortable and uneasy.

“What’s your problem?!” Sam growls when Lucifer bumps into him.

“What is _your_ problem?” Lucifer sneers back. This is so unlike him. The tension has be building up for so long. Perhaps it’s because they’ve spent too long with each other at a close proximity, but the thought of being separated sends him into an anxious spiral.

“I don’t know.” Sam glares at Lucifer, slightly uncomfortable, and defensive. What if Lucifer knew what he did? He would leave, and Sam will try and stop him, and inevitably ruin their tenacious friendship.

“Why don’t you tell me, then?”

And Sam loses it. Fuck, he _loses it._ He grabs Lucifer’s collar, breathing hard. Lucifer looks up, blue eyes meeting his. Sam still can’t tell what exactly they are expressing, and it irritates him to no extent. He is usually good at reading people. Not Lucifer, though.

“Tell me.” Lucifer’s voice veers off to the quiet side, but the commanding undertone does not escape Sam.

“I can’t stand this anymore.” Sam’s voice is hoarse, tired from all the hiding he has been doing. The courage and adrenaline courses through him, and he knows that if he does not act now then he’ll never have a chance again. He pushes Lucifer against the wooden wall, hearing his head slam against it. Lucifer gazes at him again, slightly dazed but still unreadable, and Sam kisses him for the first time. It is not the soft, sweet kisses that Sam imagined for their first kiss. It’s searing hot, full of _heat_ as he attempts to translate all his _want_ into the one gesture.

When Sam pressed his lips against him, Lucifer did not believe it. This could be another one of his intensely vivid dreams. The heat from Sam’s lips feels too real to be from a dream, and when it hits Lucifer that Sam is kissing him- Lucifer grabs Sam’s shirt and pulls him down, kissing back almost violently. He feels the same desperate need from Sam, and he pours all these years on longing into it, wanting to imprint this kiss into his mind.

They part to breath eventually, eyes bright, chests heaving for air. Lucifer locks eyes with Sam, and they begin to laugh. It began as a small, quiet chuckle, quickly turning into full blown laughter as they clutched at each other, tears of laughter in their eyes. They are so _happy_.

“We- we were so stupid-” Sam laughs, patting Lucifer’s shoulder. Lucifer grins back, and pulls Sam into another kiss. This one is slower, sweet with the knowledge that their love is returned, the sheer _relief_ of it, giddy with the introduction to a whole new world.

Sunset is beautiful at Lake Tahoe, warm golden rays cascading down their backs and Lucifer presses Sam against a tree and presses his lips against Sam’s, gentle kissing becoming more heated by the second. A loud cough from a stranger breaks them off, but they just grin and blush.

 

“I jacked off next to you,” Sam whispers to Lucifer, after they were settled comfortably against each other, Sam drying his hair off from the shower, and Lucifer already in his under shirt.

“You did?” Lucifer raises an eyebrow. “I just did it in the shower like a normal person.”

“While thinking bout me?” Sam smirks, throwing the towel on a chair.

“Oh yeah.” Sam is shirtless, clad only in his boxers and he could tell that Lucifer is certainly enjoying the view, and not hiding it, either.

“Show me what you thought about,” He grins.

“Why don’t you show me what _you_ thought about?” Lucifer asks in a faked, pretend-sexy voice, and Sam has to fight to not laugh.

“God, Luce, don’t do that-” He grins.

“Did I break character?”

“You took the character and threw it over the wall, Luce-” Sam sits on the bed. This is unreal. God, this is unreal. It’s like a weight off his heart.

“You won’t leave, right?” Lucifer asks, suddenly serious.

“Course I won’t.” Sam will never dream of leaving.

“Promise?”

“Promise.” Sam holds out his finger. “Pinky promise?”

They hook their fingers together, shaking their hands from side to side.

“Forever, huh?”

"Forever." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //Throws you all the happy because, well, you know//


	7. New Years 2006

“Pretty sure this is illegal.” Sam tells Lucifer. “Is it?”

“ _So_?” Lucifer grins, taking out the carving knife. “C’mon, Sammy.”

Sam sighs, taking the knife. “ _Fine_ , Luce.” To be honest, he is actually kind of giddy about this. Doing things with Lucifer, being a couple together- he was too afraid to even think about it and now they are really, _really_ together.

They stood by this giant, ancient tree, veering off and away from the lake. ‘L+S Forever,’ carved onto it’s bark, an oath to each other.

It’s _childish_ , the kind of things little kids do, when they hook fingers and promise forever, only to be torn apart by life. Sam promises that he’ll never let anything tear _them_ apart.

“We’re in this together now,” Lucifer takes the knife from Sam, carving on top of the words.

“Since when are we not in this together?”

Sam leans to kiss Lucifer, a promise. Lucifer kisses back, wrapping his arms around Sam’s waist. “You’re right.” Lucifer smiles, and Sam pecks his lips again.

\--------------------------------------

They spend New Years Eve, two thousand and five, in Las Vegas. Lost, in Las Vegas, that is. So their hotel isn’t exactly one of those big, fancy places with marble floors and chandeliers, but it’s still better that any place they have stayed in previously.

The streets were packed with bustling crowds and people pushing and shoving, getting increasingly drunk while the screen counted down. There was nearly an hour till the countdown was finished, but excitement remains in the air while fireworks and neon signs glitter in the glamour of Las Vegas.

“Different from Cali, right?” Sam asks and Lucifer nods, tugging on Sam’s hand again. New Years with his family has always been a cold, impersonal affair. Back stiff against hard, wooden chairs, and nothing but the clang of utensils against plates. Which is why he enjoys spending his holidays with Sam much mores.

“We’d use to count down in front of motel T.Vs,” Sam tells Lucifer, as they wait in line for a drink, or something. “And sneak some buffet food.” Good memories, those were. He enjoyed his holidays, even though they did not have much money.

“No one was allowed to talk on the table,” Lucifer recalls. “There was this one time I ranted at my dad and got thrown out for three days.”

“In winter?” “It was New Years, of course it’s in winter.” Lucifer huffs. Being thrown out did not bother him much- they let him back eventually. It was the fact that none of his family supported him all that much that stung.

“I’m sorry.” Sam was a little loss as to what to say. His family- his father, and Dean especially, would never have sent him away. And although Sam and John would have fights- big, periodical fights that Dean would now just walk away from- their relationship never got so bad that he was thrown out.

“Nah,” Lucifer takes their drinks and hands a cup to Sam. “Countdown- c’mon, Sammy,”

“It’s _Sam_ , Luce-” Sam chides, taking the drink from Lucifer. He only reminds Lucifer out of habit, since he does not mind him calling him ‘Sammy.’ Heck, he kind of like it.

“ _Ten_!”

Sam and Lucifer are squished into the middle of the crowd, the heat of all the bodies around them and the warm coffee drowning out the chill in the air. Not like there is much of winter showing in Las Vegas, even at this time of the year.

“ _Nine_!”

Sam holds on tightly to Lucifer’s hand- it’s been months since they’ve set out on this trip, and almost a month since they have been together. This is what Sam wants and this is what makes him happy.

“ _Eight_!”

“I love you,” Lucifer blurts out quickly, his face slightly red from the sudden confession. Sam kisses him quickly on the lips.

“ _Seven_!”

“I love you too,” Sam declares, grinning so much his face hurts a little.

“ _Six_!”

They stand there looking at each other, ignoring the people around them almost completely.

“ _Five_!”

“ _Four_!”

The clock ticks down and the crowd hoots and cheers with it. It’s hard not to get into the festive mode.

“ _Three_!”

Lucifer pulls on Sam’s scarf, pressing his lips on Sam’s.

“ _Two_!”

Sam kisses back, closing his eyes, letting the rush of his pounding heart drown out the fireworks.

“ _ONE_!”

“ _Happy New Years!_ ”

The crowd cheers and they part, grinning ear to ear.

“Let’s make two thousand and six the best year, right?” Sam asks, and Lucifer nods, and kisses him again. Being about the same height has never felt so good.

\--------------------------------------------

The first morning of two thousand and six was spent frantically packing up in their fancy motel room with the chandelier and the marble floor and enormous reception hall, and slipping into the car. Sam drives since they both drunk each other under the table last night, and he handles hangovers much better than Lucifer does.

Lucifer glares at the sun, nursing a cup of coffee. The cities give way to deserts, and highways to roads, and they are driving across the Nevadan desert, the sky stretching out before them.

“Awake yet?” Sam turns to Lucifer, driving at a leisurely pace. The sun is high up in the sky, warmth seeping through every corner, lighting up every shadow.

“I will never be awake again.” Lucifer complains, and Sam laughs. “Are you _laughing_ at my suffering?” Lucifer sips at his coffee, pouting.

“I-” Sam wheezes. “Oh man, you are just _hilarious_.” Lucifer grumbles into his cup at that, letting a small smile fall on his lips. Nothing could ever go wrong.

“I’m starting to think we won’t be able to make it to a town, or something.” Sam complains. His shirt sleeves are rolled up and he has discarded his jeans in favor of just wearing boxers, and Lucifer is pretty much the same.

“Deserts.” Lucifer can make just one word sound like a complaint.

“Pass me my pants?” Sam asks Lucifer, stopping at the side of the road onto a flat, rocky strip of land.

“You just took them off!”

“That was because it was too hot!”

“And now?”

“It’s _cold_ now! It’s winter- even if it is winter in Nevada.”

Lucifer huffs and hands Sam the pants, watching him struggle to pull them on.

“You are always cold,” Sam side eyes Lucifer. “It’s like you run on _ice_ , or something.” Lucifer immediately places a hand on Sam’s shoulder, causing him the jerk back.

“Hey!” Sam pushes his hand away, grinning. Lucifer leans in to kiss Sam, and Sam presses back. Lucifer slides a cool hand under Sam’s shirt. Sam retaliates and pushes Lucifer onto the other seat, both of them squashed between the passenger seat, the driver’s seat, and the window.

“This is not gonna work, is it?” Sam asks, his head hitting the roof of the car. Damn. Maybe they should have gotten, like, a truck, or something.

“Nope.” Lucifer echoes, but that does not stop him from smirking and palming Sam’s growing erection through the fabric of his unbuttoned jeans.

“ _Jesus_ , Luce,” Sam groans, placing a shaky arm onto Lucifer’s shoulder. “We can’t do it in the _car_ \- at least move to the backseat-”

Lucifer responds by grinding up against Sam, which shut him up immediately.

The windows are down, and there is a slight cool breeze thanks to the winter, but inside the car temperatures ran high. Lucifer’s fingers digs into Sam’s back, eyes closed, the back of his head against the window.

“Damn-” Sam mutters as he grounds forwards, aiming for a quick release- no time for sweet lovemaking here in the middle of the desert on the side of the highway, and a chance of being caught at any time spurs them on. Lucifer jerks up, swearing and moaning Sam’s name when he climaxes, and Sam holds on tighter to Lucifer, coming only a few seconds after Lucifer, riding through the haze of pleasure.

 

“Pants?” Lucifer asks slightly later, when the orgasm wears off and they are both uncomfortably stuck to their underwear.

“Pants.” Sam agrees. They glance at each other, and burst out in laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanna thank sweetonmeclarence from tumblr for helping me out with this fic :)

**Author's Note:**

> http://foreverdc-comics.tumblr.com/post/108606747009/samifer-au-with-sam-and-lucifer-as-two-friends-in
> 
> Based off this au. Please don't read it if you don't want spoilers. Other wise, go ahead!


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